Happy New Year

Getting back on Track

Lately I been thinking about a lot.. School, Career, friends, and LOVE. O yes love.... The one that hurts the most.... Almost everyone I know is always talk about their relationships.... "how they are happy and or how they are hurt..." The funny thing is I am envious of them... I wish I could have those issues.. I really wish I was with someone... I am just so lonely... and i hate it.. and i feel like its making me look desperate. I am a very picky person and I don't like to settle for less because when you do... You get hurt from them.. Trust me from experience I have lowered my standards and they have done me wrong.. to the point of tears.. I guess the ones that I want... They play games or they do not know what they want .. The people that I am talking too.. is all about sex and fooling around... All The common bull shit... I keep running into.. Why cant people be like "lets go on a date "or "lets walk around the park"..I am one of those hopeless romantics lol.. I decided as of today I am just not going to focus on relationship.. I cant make this a promise because some how I always break it but I'm going to try to be comfortable with myself so I don't crave to be in relationship because of loneliness

Hmm Friends?
I always wanted a lot of friends but now that I am seeing things about myself.. The type of person I am... I cant have a lot friends. I am a very personal person.. Half the time people think they are close to me.. they are not.. I only tell them things I want them to know.. but in-turn they tell me all their dirty secrets or their life stories .. Pretty mess up I know . But all truthfulness I am losing a lot of "close friends" This happening because one i don't care about those friendships anymore The reason is I am always being taken for granted in some way or some fashion.. and im tired of that bull shit. I spoke on it yes but they didn't take me seriously. I guess when they took me seriously is when they saw me stop calling.. aiming or any form of communication... Some tried to keep a friendship but I was so mad that I just stop talking to them.. As of right now I only have a few best friends.. and these are the people who i truly care for and who has shown me their friendship




School has been really difficult when you are really stressful. I can't really focus on work. The funny thing is really its only one class smh. This is the first time I really struggling with my personal life and school life. I just cant separate them, it is truly disaster
Career....


Thanks For reading

CalDre

09-09-09


Very weird Numbers but I hope everything I wished for Comes true.. I am really into Numberolgy and this is an ideal day =] I just hope I can be happy... That's all I really hope honestly =]

Friends and Bull shit

This summer had a lot of surprises...

A lot of friends I had to cut off... or just lost contract with.. I mean I really hate losing friends.. but sometimes you have too.. This year i decided to be a lil selfish and sure sometimes you have some people who completely understand and then there other people who only care for their sides. I am a very understanding person and very sensitive towards other people feelings. So i mean is it too much to ask for people to acknowledge my feelings. Well anyways... This year I really had enough being a "push over" Soo I started to let my bitter.. mean ass side come out... and i started to cut people left and right ... People were saying how I was inconsiderate, how I was an asshole or whatever.. These were the same people who were doing their grimy shit to me.. So i guess ill continue to be an "asshole" Im not going back to the push over imao

Same old stuff

Well I got hurt again... very funny.... I thought it would be different this time.. Well maybe i should stay single man... I don't know i really liked this person... well i liked them since like last year. We go and have amazing fun last sunday and they asked me out. A week after they tell me... They like me but still got feelings for their ex. Now They want to date their ex they still want to be my friend... like my feelings don't matter.. I guess im tired of being strong.. im tired... of being soo understanding... I am tired of having empathy for people feelings.. when people dont give a shit about mine... Maybe if i was mean i would not be in this current situation... I just want to be happy again... This year has seem to be a year full of broken promises and dreams... I guess this is a very depressing time for me... and i am still mournin M.j. Well i still count my blessings.. i am just sooooo angry man... just angry...

Love And Feelings

Dear World

Just thinking about love.... How I never really experienced the love you see on T.V. I just think I don't deserve it. I always feel that i feel inferior to go through it. Maybe its my low self esteem that probably is getting to me. When I am "talking to someone" I'm always afraid that they are going to say OMG you look really young. It is a blessing to have a young appearance but it just gives me low self esteem. I think because of the self esteem it causes me to not able to be with someone . They stop talking to me because they think they dating a young young dude... I try to play it off but it hurts a lot. This happened like three times already this year and Im like omg "WHYYY ME" But to the people who does notice me they are usually like seventeen yearolds and or ppl im not attracted to and i refused to be with someone im not completely satifated with. MAybe i should leave it up to the hands of God!

Well Good Night