Getting back on Track

Lately I been thinking about a lot.. School, Career, friends, and LOVE. O yes love.... The one that hurts the most.... Almost everyone I know is always talk about their relationships.... "how they are happy and or how they are hurt..." The funny thing is I am envious of them... I wish I could have those issues.. I really wish I was with someone... I am just so lonely... and i hate it.. and i feel like its making me look desperate. I am a very picky person and I don't like to settle for less because when you do... You get hurt from them.. Trust me from experience I have lowered my standards and they have done me wrong.. to the point of tears.. I guess the ones that I want... They play games or they do not know what they want .. The people that I am talking too.. is all about sex and fooling around... All The common bull shit... I keep running into.. Why cant people be like "lets go on a date "or "lets walk around the park"..I am one of those hopeless romantics lol.. I decided as of today I am just not going to focus on relationship.. I cant make this a promise because some how I always break it but I'm going to try to be comfortable with myself so I don't crave to be in relationship because of loneliness

Hmm Friends?
I always wanted a lot of friends but now that I am seeing things about myself.. The type of person I am... I cant have a lot friends. I am a very personal person.. Half the time people think they are close to me.. they are not.. I only tell them things I want them to know.. but in-turn they tell me all their dirty secrets or their life stories .. Pretty mess up I know . But all truthfulness I am losing a lot of "close friends" This happening because one i don't care about those friendships anymore The reason is I am always being taken for granted in some way or some fashion.. and im tired of that bull shit. I spoke on it yes but they didn't take me seriously. I guess when they took me seriously is when they saw me stop calling.. aiming or any form of communication... Some tried to keep a friendship but I was so mad that I just stop talking to them.. As of right now I only have a few best friends.. and these are the people who i truly care for and who has shown me their friendship




School has been really difficult when you are really stressful. I can't really focus on work. The funny thing is really its only one class smh. This is the first time I really struggling with my personal life and school life. I just cant separate them, it is truly disaster
Career....


Thanks For reading

CalDre